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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 6:26 am 
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Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an
upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.

In other news – we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal,
consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.



Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and
assholes.

Just keeping you up to date.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 3:53 pm 
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Dear Abby,

My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me,
saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has
been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics, the next with Lutherans, the next with Baptists and the next with people who say
the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.

Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly
creepy! Can you help?

Signed, Lost in DC

------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Michelle. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have
others pay for everything for you. The rest of us are stuck with the bastard for two more years!


Abby

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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 10:40 am 
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I was sitting in the bar last night when a guy ordered a "Bin Laden". The bartender asked what that was, and the guy replied .....





"Two shots & a splash of water"

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
Winston Churchill


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 11:57 am 
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suzyq wrote:
I was sitting in the bar last night when a guy ordered a "Bin Laden". The bartender asked what that was, and the guy replied .....





"Two shots & a splash of water"

I thought it was:

A Colt45 and a shot that goes straight to your head.

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“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.”
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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 5:16 pm 
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The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The Virtues of Rye Bread
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said:"My goodness, 5 loaves...By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this s**t but me."

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“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.”
P.J. O'Rourke


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2011 9:51 am 
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Subject: Movies

Try this!


Be honest and don't look at the movie list below till you have done
the math!

Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite. This amazing
math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you would enjoy the
most. it really works!

Movie Test:

Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your
predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.

Movie List:

1. Gone With The Wind

2. E.T.

3. Blazing Saddles

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

7. Jaws

8.. Grease

9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012

10. Casablanca

11. Jurassic Park

12. Shrek

13. Pirates of the Caribbean

14. Titanic

15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark

16. Home Alone

17. Mrs. Doubtfire

18. Toy Story

Now, aint that something..?

_________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
Winston Churchill


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2011 2:13 pm 
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Location: In the trenches
Customer.. "Hey, bartender..... Give me a 'bin-Laden'.."

Bartender.. "What's a 'bin-Laden'?"

Customer.. "2 Shots and a Splash of water"......

_________________

I will lock her up! (DIDN'T HAPPEN)
I will repeal Obamacare (DIDN'T HAPPEN)
I will make Mexico to pay for the wall. (NO...WE ARE)
I will surround myself with the best people! (MOST ARE UNDER INVESTIGATION)


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Thu May 12, 2011 9:19 am 
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California REPRESENTATIVES

Quote Of The CENTURY:


"Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're number one. There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on 'Macbeth'. The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words."

-- columnist Burt Prelutsky, Los Angeles Times

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
Winston Churchill


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 7:46 am 
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Location: Hammond
suzyq wrote:
California REPRESENTATIVES

Quote Of The CENTURY:


"Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're number one. There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on 'Macbeth'. The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words."

-- columnist Burt Prelutsky, Los Angeles Times


He told it like it is !


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2011 12:29 pm 
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Image


A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

“I don’t remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back.”

_________________
“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.”
P.J. O'Rourke


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 3:10 pm 
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Have you ever wondered if the dollar bills in your purse or

wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack? If not, you're

wondering now. Have a nice day!

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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 12:11 pm 
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An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner


for a faulty taillight.


When the officer approached the driver, the man


behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and


a concealed weapon carry permit.


The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr..


Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?"


The driver replied, " Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a


.45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot."


The officer looked at the driver and asked, "Anything else?"


"Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat."


The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range


and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the


driver's face and said "Mr. Smith, you're carrying quite a few guns.


May I ask what you are afraid of?


Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,


"Not a f#%king thing!"

_________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
Winston Churchill


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 1:19 pm 
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At Age 4 Success Is Not Peeing Your Pants
At Age 12 Success Is Having Friends
At Age 16 Success Is Having a Driver Licence
At Age 20 Success Is Having Sex
At Age 35 Success Is Having Money
At Age 50 Success Is Having Money
At Age 60 Success Is Having Sex
At Age 70 Success Is Having a Driver Licence
At Age 75 Success Is Having Friends
At Age 80 Success Is Not Peeing Your Pants

_________________
“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.”
P.J. O'Rourke


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:44 am 
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Employee Notice



Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much sh!t (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of sh!t they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough sh, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the sh!t you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
Winston Churchill


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 Post subject: Re: A LITTLE FUN
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:47 am 
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do you know the front from the back of a tree?

a redneck from georgia decides to travel across the south to virginia to
see god's country.

when he gets to franklin , he likes the place so much that he decides to
stay. But first he must find a job!!!!

he walks into the international paper company office and fills out an
application as an experienced log inspector. It's his lucky day!!!

they just happen to be looking for someone, but first, the log foreman
takes him for a ride into the forest in the company pickup truck to see
how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. 'see that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains.'

the redneck promptly answers, 'that thar's a whitepine, 383 board feet of lumber in 'er.'

the foreman is impressed!!! He puts the truck in motion and stops about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.

'that's a loblolly pine and she's got about 456 clear board feet.'

the foreman is really impressed with the good ol' boy, he has been quick and got the answers right without using a calculator!!!!

one more test. They drive a little further down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window and says, 'and what about that one?'

before the foreman finishes pointing, the redneck says, 'white oak, 242
board feet at best.'

the foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little ticked off because he thinks the red neck is smarter than he is. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks bubba to step outside.

he hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, 'see that tree over there?'
'i want you to mark an x on the front of that tree!!'

the foreman thinks to himself, 'idiot, how would he know which is the
front of the tree?'

when bubba reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while
looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white x on the
trunk. He walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. 'that thar's the front,' the redneck says..

the foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, 'how in the hell do you know that's the front of the tree?'

the good ol' boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies, 'cuz somebody took a crap behind it!'

he got the job and is now the foreman!!!!

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
Winston Churchill


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