| Northwest Indiana Discussion http://northwestindiana.com/discussionforum/ |
|
| A LITTLE FUN http://northwestindiana.com/discussionforum/viewtopic.php?f=60&t=2203 |
Page 38 of 43 |
| Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
A man is sitting in the Edgar Bar in Montana and was far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass." Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking him off his bar stool, then stomps out. He gets back up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says "She is a horse's ass too! Out of nowhere, another local punches him in the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again. He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?" "Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country." |
|
| Author: | suzyq [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 5:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Atlanta sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and >>obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. >> After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few >>words to the big black man. >> Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" >> At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and >>smacked the s*** out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. >>He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him >>bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat. >> Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black >>man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to >>you?" >> "I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job." |
|
| Author: | suzyq [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 10:49 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Farm Kid -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING) Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once.. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Alice |
|
| Author: | chuckmo48 [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.' |
|
| Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
|
|
|
| Author: | suzyq [ Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:01 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai Iranian Air Defense Site: ‘Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.’ Aircraft: ‘This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.’ Air Defense Site: ‘You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!’ Aircraft: ‘This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send ‘em up, I’ll wait!’ Air Defense Site: ( …. total silence) God bless our troops. There is something about a Marine that makes other countries listen to reason |
|
| Author: | karent [ Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Thanks, Suzy. |
|
| Author: | suzyq [ Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
The Golfer He left home around 8:30 to play golf with his friends. On the way out the door, he answered his wife's "What time will you be home?" question with "Probably around 1:30 - I'll have lunch at the club." 1:30 came and went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home, finally at about 7:00 PM he rolls in the driveway, leaves his clubs in the garage, and presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story. We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there's a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, you can clean up a bit. I agreed to stop, we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home. His wife looked him right in the eye and said "Don't bullshit me -- you played 36 holes, didn't you?" |
|
| Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
|
|
| Author: | LoisLane [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 5:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
How do you starve an Obama supporter?? Hide their food stamps under their work shoes. |
|
| Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
LoisLane wrote: How do you starve an Obama supporter?? Hide their food stamps under their work shoes. What is the difference between an Obama supporter and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four. |
|
| Author: | chuckmo48 [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car." |
|
| Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
chuckmo48 wrote: The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car." Because she was acting like an entitled liberal |
|
| Author: | karent [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Not a liberal, just a hypocrite. |
|
| Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 1:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
| Page 38 of 43 | All times are UTC - 6 hours |
| Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|