Northwest Indiana Discussion http://northwestindiana.com/discussionforum/ |
|
A LITTLE FUN http://northwestindiana.com/discussionforum/viewtopic.php?f=60&t=2203 |
Page 40 of 43 |
Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Sun Jun 12, 2011 1:18 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:08 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Guy's first boat. Wasn't quite sure of the correct procedure for launching a boat off a ramp. Asked his buddies at the union hall. "Piece of cake. Just don't let the trailer get too deep in the water when you're launching it." Now he's wondering what they meant? Shoot, he can barely get his trailer into the water! |
Author: | suzyq [ Thu Jun 23, 2011 7:26 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
I got'em all!! Who said it? This is a fun quiz. Listed below are 10 direct quotes. You have to guess which American politician said it. Ready? Here we go! 1. "Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel's." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 2. "I've now been in 57 states I think I have one left to go." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 3. "On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes, and I see many of them in the audience here today." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 4. "What they'll say is, 'Well it costs too much money,' but you know what? It would cost, about. It it it would cost about the same as what we would spend. It. Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it would costs us. (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We're going to. It. It would cost us about the same as it would cost for about hold on one second. I can't hear myself. But I'm glad you're fired up, though. I'm glad." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 5. "The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 6. "I bowled a 129. It's like - it was like the Special Olympics, or something." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 7. "Of the many responsibilities granted to a president by our Constitution, few are more serious or more consequential than selecting a Supreme Court justice. The members of our highest court are granted life tenure, often serving long after the presidents who appointed them. And they are charged with the vital task of applying principles put to paper more than 20 centuries ago to some of the most difficult questions of our time." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 8. "Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a, a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. I haven't had much sleep in the last 48 hours." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 9. "It was interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There's a lot of I don't know what the term is in Austrian, wheeling and dealing." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush 10. "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." A. Barack Obama B. Dan Quayle C. Sarah Palin D. George W. Bush Sorry. This was a trick quiz. All of the correct answers are the same person. Each of these quotes are directly from President Barack Obama. And now you know why he brings his teleprompter with him everywhere he goes ... even when talking to a 6th grade class!!! He is absolutely clueless... And liberals call George W. Bush dumb!!!! |
Author: | deelight [ Fri Jun 24, 2011 3:21 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Author: | suzyq [ Thu Jun 30, 2011 2:28 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Talk about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder... I recently came back from a tour of duty in Afghanistan. Having not seen my wife for several months, I was looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex. She came out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her head and I shot her. |
Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:35 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
My daughter walked into the living room last night and said — "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to Lifeline or AmVets. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the houseâ€. Then disown me and never talk to me again. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't actually put it like that... she actually said... "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohamed." |
Author: | suzyq [ Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:13 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Trifecta challenge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into a bar and sits down. As he's waiting on the bartender he looks behind the bar and sees a fish tank with what looks like a couple of thousand dollars in it. When the bartender comes over the guy asks: "so what's with all the money?" "Oh that's the pot for our trifecta challenge. $10 gets you and entry and if you can complete all three tasks you win the money." "So what would I have to do?" the guy asks. "Well," starts the bartender, "first, you see the bouncer at the end of the bar? The guy that looks like Mike Tyson when he was in his prime? You need to go over there and knock him out. Second, out back I have the meanest pit bull in the state and he has an abscessed tooth. You need to yank it out and bring it in here WITHOUT killing my dog. Thirdly, there's an 80 year old woman who lives above the bar who has never had an orgasm. You need to go up there and if she calls down here and tells me you satisfied her, then you get the money." "Geez," the guy says, "I think I'll pass." Well one drink leads to two, then three, then four. Finally the guy slaps a ten down on the bar and stands up. He walks to the end of the bar and sucker punches the bouncer. BAM! One good shot and the bouncer is out cold. The guy staggers his way to the back door of the bar and flings it open. Immediately the pit bulls starts barking. The door closes behind the man and for the next 30 minutes everyone in the bar hears barking and howling and screaming and tussling going on outside. Finally the guy comes back through the door; clothes ripped, scratched, bitten and bleeding. "Alright," the guy slurs, "where's that lady with the bad tooth again?" |
Author: | LoisLane [ Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:59 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
_______ad88888888888888888888888a, ________a88888"8888888888888888888888, ______,8888"__"P88888888888888888888b, ______d88_________`""P88888888888888888, _____,8888b_______________""88888888888888, _____d8P'''__,aa,______________""888888888b _____888bbdd888888ba,__,I_________"88888888, _____8888888888888888ba8"_________,88888888b ____,888888888888888888b,________,8888888888 ____(88888888888888888888,______,88888888888, ____d888888888888888888888,____,8___"8888888b ____88888888888888888888888__.;8'"""__(888888 ____8888888888888I"8888888P_,8"_,aaa,__888888 ____888888888888I:8888888"_,8"__`b8d'__(88888 ____(8888888888I'888888P'_,8)__________88888 _____88888888I"__8888P'__,8")__________88888 _____8888888I'___888"___,8"_(._.)_______88888 _____(8888I"_____"88,__,8"_____________,8888P ______888I'_______"P8_,8"_____________,88888) _____(88I'__________",8"__M""""""M___,888888' ____,8I"____________,8(____"aaaa"___,8888888 ___,8I'____________,888a___________,8888888) __,8I'____________,888888,_______,888888888 _,8I'____________,8888888'`-===-'888888888' ,8I'____________,8888888"________88888888" 8I'____________,8"____88_________"888888P 8I____________,8'_____88__________`P888" 8I___________,8I______88____________"8ba,. (8,_________,8P'______88______________88""8bma,. _8I________,8P'_______88,______________"8b___""P8ma, _(8,______,8d"________`88,_______________"8b_____`"8a __8I_____,8dP_________,8X8,________________"8b.____:8b __(8____,8dP'__,I____,8XXX8,________________`88,____8) ___8,___8dP'__,I____,8XxxxX8,_____I,_________8X8,__,8 ___8I___8P'__,I____,8XxxxxxX8,_____I,________`8X88,I8 ___I8,__"___,I____,8XxxxxxxxX8b,____I,________8XXX88I, ___`8I______I'__,8XxxxxxxxxxxxXX8____I________8XXxxXX8, ____8I_____(8__,8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8___I________8XxxxxxXX8, ___,8I_____I[_,8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8__8________8XxxxxxxxX8, ___d8I,____I[_8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8b_8_______(8XxxxxxxxxX8, ___888I____`8,8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8_8,_____,8XxxxxxxxxxxX8 ___8888,____"88XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8)8I____.8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8 __,8888I_____88XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8_`8,__,8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8" __d88888_____`8XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8'__`8,,8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8" __888888I_____`8XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8'____"88XxxxxxxxxxxxX8" __88888888bbaaaa88XXxxxxxxxxxxXX8)______)8XXxxxxxxxxXX8" __8888888I,_``""""""8888888888888888aaaaa8888XxxxxXX8" __(8888888I,______________________.__```"""""88888P" ___88888888I,___________________,8I___8,_______I8" ____"""88888I,________________,8I'____"I8,____;8" ___________`8I,_____________,8I'_______`I8,___8) ____________`8I,___________,8I'__________I8__:8' _____________`8I,_________,8I'___________I8__:8 ______________`8I_______,8I'_____________`8__(8 _______________8I_____,8I'________________8__(8; _______________8I____,8"__________________I___88, ______________.8I___,8'_______________________8"8, ______________(PI___'8_______________________,8,`8, _____________.88'____________,@@___________.a8X8,`8, _____________(88_____________@@@_________,a8XX888,`8, ____________(888_____________@@'_______,d8XX8"__"b_`8, ___________.8888,_____________________a8XXX8"____"a_`8, __________.888X88___________________,d8XX8I"______9,_`8, _________.88:8XX8,_________________a8XxX8I'_______`8__`8, ________.88'_8XxX8a_____________,ad8XxX8I'________,8___`8, ________d8'__8XxxxX8ba,______,ad8XxxX8I"__________8__,__`8, _______(8I___8XxxxxxX888888888XxxxX8I"____________8__II__`8 _______8I'___"8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8I'____________(8__8)___8; ______(8I_____8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8"______________(8__8)___8I ______8P'_____(8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8I'________________8,_(8___:8 _____(8'_______8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8'_________________`8,_8____8 _____8I________`8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8'___________________`8,8___;8 _____8'_________`8XxxxxxxxxxX8'_____________________`8I__,8' _____8___________`8XxxxxxxxX8'_______________________8'_,8' _____8____________`8XxxxxxX8'________________________8_,8' _____8_____________`8XxxxX8'________________________d'_8' _____8______________`8XxxX8_________________________8_8' _____8________________"8X8'_________________________"8" _____8,________________`88___________________________8 _____8I________________,8'__________________________d) _____`8,_______________d8__________________________,8 ______(b_______________8'_________________________,8' _______8,_____________dP_________________________,8' _______(b_____________8'________________________,8' ________8,___________d8________________________,8' ________(b___________8'_______________________,8' _________8,_________a8_______________________,8' _________(b_________8'______________________,8' __________8,_______,8______________________,8' __________(b_______8'_____________________,8' ___________8,_____,8_____________________,8' ___________(b_____8'____________________,8' ____________8,___d8____________________,8' ____________(b__,8'___________________,8' _____________8,,I8___________________,8' _____________I8I8'__________________,8' _____________`I8I__________________,8' ______________I8'_________________,8' ______________"8_________________,8' ______________(8________________,8' ______________8I_______________,8' ______________(b,___8,________,8) ______________`8I___"88______,8i8, _______________(b,__________,8"8") _______________`8I__,8______8)_8_8 ________________8I__8I______"__8_8 ________________(b__8I_________8_8 ________________`8__(8,________b_8, _________________8___8)________"b"8, _________________8___8(_________"b"8 _________________8___"I__________"b8, _________________8________________`8) _________________8_________________I8 _________________8_________________(8 _________________8,_________________8, _________________Ib_________________8) _________________(8_________________I8 __________________8_________________I8 __________________8_________________I8 __________________8,________________I8 __________________Ib________________8I __________________(8_______________(8' ___________________8_______________I8 ___________________8,______________8I ___________________Ib_____________(8' ___________________(8_____________I8 ___________________`8_____________8I ____________________8____________(8' ____________________8,___________I8 ____________________Ib___________8I ____________________(8___________8' _____________________8,_________(8 _____________________Ib_________I8 _____________________(8_________8I ______________________8,________8' ______________________(b_______(8 _______________________8,______I8 _______________________I8______I8 _______________________(8______I8 ________________________8______I8, ________________________8______8_8, ________________________8,_____8_8' _______________________,I8_____"8" ______________________,8"8,_____8, _____________________,8'_`8_____`b ____________________,8'___8______8, ___________________,8'____(a_____`b __________________,8'_____`8______8, __________________I8/______8______`b, __________________I8-/_____8_______`8, __________________(8/-/____8________`8, ___________________8I/-/__,8_________`8 ___________________`8I/--,I8________-8) ____________________`8I,,d8I_______-8) ______________________"bdI"8,_____-I8 ___________________________`8,___-I8' ____________________________`8,,--I8 _____________________________`Ib,,I8 ______________________________`I8I Sorry, bored with a four day weekend... |
Author: | suzyq [ Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:01 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
LoisLane wrote: _______ad88888888888888888888888a, ________a88888"8888888888888888888888, ______,8888"__"P88888888888888888888b, ______d88_________`""P88888888888888888, _____,8888b_______________""88888888888888, _____d8P'''__,aa,______________""888888888b _____888bbdd888888ba,__,I_________"88888888, _____8888888888888888ba8"_________,88888888b ____,888888888888888888b,________,8888888888 ____(88888888888888888888,______,88888888888, ____d888888888888888888888,____,8___"8888888b ____88888888888888888888888__.;8'"""__(888888 ____8888888888888I"8888888P_,8"_,aaa,__888888 ____888888888888I:8888888"_,8"__`b8d'__(88888 ____(8888888888I'888888P'_,8)__________88888 _____88888888I"__8888P'__,8")__________88888 _____8888888I'___888"___,8"_(._.)_______88888 _____(8888I"_____"88,__,8"_____________,8888P ______888I'_______"P8_,8"_____________,88888) _____(88I'__________",8"__M""""""M___,888888' ____,8I"____________,8(____"aaaa"___,8888888 ___,8I'____________,888a___________,8888888) __,8I'____________,888888,_______,888888888 _,8I'____________,8888888'`-===-'888888888' ,8I'____________,8888888"________88888888" 8I'____________,8"____88_________"888888P 8I____________,8'_____88__________`P888" 8I___________,8I______88____________"8ba,. (8,_________,8P'______88______________88""8bma,. _8I________,8P'_______88,______________"8b___""P8ma, _(8,______,8d"________`88,_______________"8b_____`"8a __8I_____,8dP_________,8X8,________________"8b.____:8b __(8____,8dP'__,I____,8XXX8,________________`88,____8) ___8,___8dP'__,I____,8XxxxX8,_____I,_________8X8,__,8 ___8I___8P'__,I____,8XxxxxxX8,_____I,________`8X88,I8 ___I8,__"___,I____,8XxxxxxxxX8b,____I,________8XXX88I, ___`8I______I'__,8XxxxxxxxxxxxXX8____I________8XXxxXX8, ____8I_____(8__,8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8___I________8XxxxxxXX8, ___,8I_____I[_,8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8__8________8XxxxxxxxX8, ___d8I,____I[_8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8b_8_______(8XxxxxxxxxX8, ___888I____`8,8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8_8,_____,8XxxxxxxxxxxX8 ___8888,____"88XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8)8I____.8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8 __,8888I_____88XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8_`8,__,8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8" __d88888_____`8XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8'__`8,,8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8" __888888I_____`8XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8'____"88XxxxxxxxxxxxX8" __88888888bbaaaa88XXxxxxxxxxxxXX8)______)8XXxxxxxxxxXX8" __8888888I,_``""""""8888888888888888aaaaa8888XxxxxXX8" __(8888888I,______________________.__```"""""88888P" ___88888888I,___________________,8I___8,_______I8" ____"""88888I,________________,8I'____"I8,____;8" ___________`8I,_____________,8I'_______`I8,___8) ____________`8I,___________,8I'__________I8__:8' _____________`8I,_________,8I'___________I8__:8 ______________`8I_______,8I'_____________`8__(8 _______________8I_____,8I'________________8__(8; _______________8I____,8"__________________I___88, ______________.8I___,8'_______________________8"8, ______________(PI___'8_______________________,8,`8, _____________.88'____________,@@___________.a8X8,`8, _____________(88_____________@@@_________,a8XX888,`8, ____________(888_____________@@'_______,d8XX8"__"b_`8, ___________.8888,_____________________a8XXX8"____"a_`8, __________.888X88___________________,d8XX8I"______9,_`8, _________.88:8XX8,_________________a8XxX8I'_______`8__`8, ________.88'_8XxX8a_____________,ad8XxX8I'________,8___`8, ________d8'__8XxxxX8ba,______,ad8XxxX8I"__________8__,__`8, _______(8I___8XxxxxxX888888888XxxxX8I"____________8__II__`8 _______8I'___"8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8I'____________(8__8)___8; ______(8I_____8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8"______________(8__8)___8I ______8P'_____(8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8I'________________8,_(8___:8 _____(8'_______8XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX8'_________________`8,_8____8 _____8I________`8XxxxxxxxxxxxX8'___________________`8,8___;8 _____8'_________`8XxxxxxxxxxX8'_____________________`8I__,8' _____8___________`8XxxxxxxxX8'_______________________8'_,8' _____8____________`8XxxxxxX8'________________________8_,8' _____8_____________`8XxxxX8'________________________d'_8' _____8______________`8XxxX8_________________________8_8' _____8________________"8X8'_________________________"8" _____8,________________`88___________________________8 _____8I________________,8'__________________________d) _____`8,_______________d8__________________________,8 ______(b_______________8'_________________________,8' _______8,_____________dP_________________________,8' _______(b_____________8'________________________,8' ________8,___________d8________________________,8' ________(b___________8'_______________________,8' _________8,_________a8_______________________,8' _________(b_________8'______________________,8' __________8,_______,8______________________,8' __________(b_______8'_____________________,8' ___________8,_____,8_____________________,8' ___________(b_____8'____________________,8' ____________8,___d8____________________,8' ____________(b__,8'___________________,8' _____________8,,I8___________________,8' _____________I8I8'__________________,8' _____________`I8I__________________,8' ______________I8'_________________,8' ______________"8_________________,8' ______________(8________________,8' ______________8I_______________,8' ______________(b,___8,________,8) ______________`8I___"88______,8i8, _______________(b,__________,8"8") _______________`8I__,8______8)_8_8 ________________8I__8I______"__8_8 ________________(b__8I_________8_8 ________________`8__(8,________b_8, _________________8___8)________"b"8, _________________8___8(_________"b"8 _________________8___"I__________"b8, _________________8________________`8) _________________8_________________I8 _________________8_________________(8 _________________8,_________________8, _________________Ib_________________8) _________________(8_________________I8 __________________8_________________I8 __________________8_________________I8 __________________8,________________I8 __________________Ib________________8I __________________(8_______________(8' ___________________8_______________I8 ___________________8,______________8I ___________________Ib_____________(8' ___________________(8_____________I8 ___________________`8_____________8I ____________________8____________(8' ____________________8,___________I8 ____________________Ib___________8I ____________________(8___________8' _____________________8,_________(8 _____________________Ib_________I8 _____________________(8_________8I ______________________8,________8' ______________________(b_______(8 _______________________8,______I8 _______________________I8______I8 _______________________(8______I8 ________________________8______I8, ________________________8______8_8, ________________________8,_____8_8' _______________________,I8_____"8" ______________________,8"8,_____8, _____________________,8'_`8_____`b ____________________,8'___8______8, ___________________,8'____(a_____`b __________________,8'_____`8______8, __________________I8/______8______`b, __________________I8-/_____8_______`8, __________________(8/-/____8________`8, ___________________8I/-/__,8_________`8 ___________________`8I/--,I8________-8) ____________________`8I,,d8I_______-8) ______________________"bdI"8,_____-I8 ___________________________`8,___-I8' ____________________________`8,,--I8 _____________________________`Ib,,I8 ______________________________`I8I Sorry, bored with a four day weekend... Now ya got sparks runin to the closet to rub one put. Good one Lois |
Author: | LoisLane [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:04 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
….oooO………….. …..(….)…Oooo… ……)../…..(….)…. …..(_/…….)../….. ……………(_/……. ….oooO………….. …..(….)…Oooo… ……)../…..(….)…. …..(_/…….)../….. ……………(_/……. ….oooO………….. …..(….)…Oooo… ……)../…..(….)…. …..(_/…….)../….. ……………(_/……. ….oooO………….. …..(….)…Oooo… ……)../…..(….)…. …..(_/…….)../….. ……………(_/……. |
Author: | Moby Grape [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 3:00 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
.............../...).....(...\.......... ...ooooO.../...(......)...\...Ooooo... ...(.....)...(.....)....(.....)...(.....)... ....\...(…..ooooO...Ooooo...).../... .....\._)..........................(_./……. |
Author: | LoisLane [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 4:27 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Moby Grape wrote: .............../...).....(...\.......... Hadn't thought of doing that one...
...ooooO.../...(......)...\...Ooooo... ...(.....)...(.....)....(.....)...(.....)... ....\...(…..ooooO...Ooooo...).../... .....\._)..........................(_./……. |
Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:04 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
An old woman is sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband. She suddenly blurts out— "I love you so much, I don't know I could ever live without you." He husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?" She replies, "It's me. Talking to the wine." |
Author: | -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:07 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ______________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect." And then the fight started........ ________________________________ My wife asked me why female monthly agitation was called "PMS". I answered, "...because Mad Cow Disease was taken." Then the fight started. |
Author: | Moby Grape [ Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:57 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: A LITTLE FUN |
Page 40 of 43 | All times are UTC - 6 hours |
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |