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A LITTLE FUN
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Author:  LoisLane [ Mon Feb 06, 2012 2:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.
Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch."
She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-f u c k e r."
Author:  -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Tue Feb 21, 2012 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
Image

Analysis of this picture can tell us a lot about how different people think.

For young men, it's a picture of a lady with a nice derriere but only the most observant will notice that she is crossing a street.

The really observant will notice that she is wearing a thong.

For older men, she appears to be a respectable woman - with a nice tush - on her way to work.

The perverts among them will imagine her naked.

Wiser men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer to take the shot in the face of such beauty, and be grateful he shared it.

For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

The other half will think she is a slut but wonder where she bought that blouse.

Older women will imagine the misery that the woman's curves will cause by the time she reaches 50.

But only children, the extremely intelligent, and the celibate will notice that the taxi is being driven by a dog.
Author:  suzyq [ Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
News Flash!

The other day, when Joe Biden heard that the lead Monkee had died, he ran down the hall of the White House yelling, "I'm the f*#king President!"
We can only TRY to imagine his disappointment ...
Author:  -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Fri Apr 20, 2012 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
Barack Obama walks into a bar. Few minutes later, the bartender brings over his drink.

“Huh? What’s this?”

“This is what you ordered. Vodka and grapefruit juice.”

“No, I wanted a greyhound!”
Author:  suzyq [ Mon May 14, 2012 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
The Lexington , Kentucky Police Department reports finding a man's body
in the Kentucky River just west of the Clays Ferry Bridge . The dead
man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption. He was
wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a
strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.

The Police do care.
Author:  suzyq [ Fri Jun 15, 2012 7:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
Vet Hats and Morons
A few days ago a friend of mine sent me a 'Viet Nam Veteran' hat. I never had one of these before and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.

Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Wal-martians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, enough of my psychological fixes.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vet Nam Vet?" "No" I replied. "Then why are you wearing that hat?" "Because I couldn't find my hat from the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort. "The War of 1812 huh." the Wal-martian queried, "When was that?" God forgive but, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?" "It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way too much fun. "Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission." "Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?" "Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything." "Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?" With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?" The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.

By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat...
Author:  LoisLane [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 7:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
A fun exercise with a great answer!

MATH QUIZ: Reveals your favorite movie!!

I am very good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally

on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.


Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite

movie EVER!



DO NOT cheat and scroll down to the movies. Do YOUR math, THEN compare the

results to the list of movies at the bottom


You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is


1. Pick a number from 1-9.


2. Multiply that number by 3.


3. Add 3.


4. Multiply by 3 again.


5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits

together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies

below:




Movie List:


1. Gone With the Wind

2. E.T.

3. Blazing Saddles

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

7. Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012

10. Casablanca

11. Jurassic Park

12. Shrek

13. Pirates of the Caribbean

14. Titanic

15. Raiders of the Lost Ark

16. Home Alone

17. Mrs. Doubtfire


Now, isn't that something?
Author:  Tiger1 [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 8:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
LoisLane wrote:
A fun exercise with a great answer!

MATH QUIZ: Reveals your favorite movie!!

I am very good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally

on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.


Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite

movie EVER!


LOL !!! :smt005


DO NOT cheat and scroll down to the movies. Do YOUR math, THEN compare the

results to the list of movies at the bottom


You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is


1. Pick a number from 1-9.


2. Multiply that number by 3.


3. Add 3.


4. Multiply by 3 again.


5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits

together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies

below:




Movie List:


1. Gone With the Wind

2. E.T.

3. Blazing Saddles

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

7. Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012

10. Casablanca

11. Jurassic Park

12. Shrek

13. Pirates of the Caribbean

14. Titanic

15. Raiders of the Lost Ark

16. Home Alone

17. Mrs. Doubtfire


Now, isn't that something?
Author:  Moby Grape [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 8:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
LoisLane wrote:
A fun exercise with a great answer!

MATH QUIZ: Reveals your favorite movie!!


My favorite isn't on that list.

It's not really a movie but a news clip of DUMBO being frog marched out of the WH in shackles...
Author:  karent [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 12:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
It always comes to 9 - that's your wish, right Moby?
Author:  -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
Tale Of Two Doctors

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require hip surgery.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't
reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then pending the review boards decision on his age and remaining
value to society.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever taken to a vet. The SECOND is a Senior Citizen on Obama care...

In November if He and his Czars get another term we'll all have to find a good vet.
Author:  suzyq [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
Democratic National Convention Schedule

2012 Democratic National Convention Schedule -- Charlotte , N.C.

4:00 PM Opening Flag Burning Ceremony, sponsored by CNN
4:05 PM Singing of "God Damn America ", led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM Pledge of Allegiance to Obama.

4:15 PM Ceremonial 'I hate America' led by Michelle Obama.
4:30 PM Tips on How to keep your man trustworthy & true to you while you travel the world. Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM Al Sharpton / Jesse Jackson seminar. How to have a successful career without having a job.

5:00 PM Great Vacations I've Taken on the Taxpayer's Dime. Travel Log - Michelle Obama.
5:30 PM Eliot Spitzer Speaks on "Family Values", via Satellite
5:45 PM Tribute to All 57 States. Nancy Pelosi

6:00 PM Sen. Harry Reid - 150 minute speech expressing the Democrat's appreciation of the Occupy Wall Street movement, and George Soros for sparing no expense, for all that they have accomplished to unify the country, improve employment and to boost the economy.

8:30 PM Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM Bias in Media. How we can make it work for you. Tutorial, sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times

9:15 PM Tribute Film to Brave Freedom Fighters incarcerated at GITMO. Michael Moore
9:45 PM Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangle
10:00 PM Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners and Bible readers.

10:30 PM Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for IRAQ and Afghanistan.
11:00 PM Obama Energy Plan Symposium / Tire Gauge Demonstration / You too can get rich with Green Investment bankruptcies.
11:15 PM Free Gov. Blagojevich rally.

11:30 PM Obama Accepts Oscar, Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves of Bread and 2 Fish. Obama Presiding
12:00 AM Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher and Chris, He sends a thrill up my leg, Matthews

12:01 AM Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM Celestial Choirs Sing
3:00 AM Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech
Author:  happy jack [ Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
I must admit – this is one of those headlines I never expected to see.


http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/art ... 797872.php

Russian clerics forgive Pussy Riot
Author:  -={ARCLIGHT}=- [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
Image
A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group from the White House that included Obama. Obama quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, "I'm President Obama and I hope you'll vote for me this November." She laughed and quickly said, "I fell on my ass, not my head!"
Author:  suzyq [ Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A LITTLE FUN
A union shop foreman walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama 's victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Romney for President button and two beers in front of him. He doesn 't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here bartender, but not for the Republican."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the union official. The union captain once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union thug once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union guy asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Republican? I 've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly idiot does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
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